Before becoming a successful Executive Coach, Danielle Droitsch was a lawyer who was missing one thing… herself.

Danielle Droitsch runs Time For You LLC which provides executive coaching and consulting to people and organizations who are working to make the world a better place.  

On today’s episode, Danielle shares her own journey of self love.  She opens up and explains how her hitting “rock bottom” led her on the path to rediscovery and a new career.

As a strengths coach, Danielle shares with us the top 3 things women can do to discover their superpowers.  

Find Your Strengths with Danielle Droitsch

Want help Finding Your Strengths? 

Visit: Clifton Gallup Strengthfinder 

https://store.gallup.com/p/en-us/10003/cliftonstrengths-34

VIA Institute on Character

https://www.viacharacter.org/

You can find more about Danielle on her website, timeforyoublog.com.

Check out “Finding Your Strengths – Interview with Danielle Droitsch” on iTunes today!

Find your Inner Strength with Danielle Droitsch

Transcription:

Hello ladies. I’m sorry. So excited that you’re here. Welcome to The Cat Cantril Show. I am your host Cat Cantrill and welcome. Let me give you a digital squeeze because let’s face it. It’s a pandemic and I’m not getting enough squeezes. So I’m giving you a big digital squeeze from me to you as a huge hug of appreciation for being here.

Ladies. I’m so excited. I am so excited to introduce to you my good friend, Danielle Droitsch. She is this incredible shining light. And I met her in this coaching mastermind that we both belong to and we are. We have so many common interests and we have such a passion for helping people that we just instantly clicked.

And when I thought about launching this show, and I thought about, who am I going to interview first? Danielle was the first woman that came to mind because of not only what she does and how she helps people. But also because of her own personal story, I think that when we look at people from the outside in, we don’t realize that their own journey and path that they’ve had to take is good.

That has brought them here to this point. I think we get so used to just seeing what we see on the outside. And I wanted to give Danielle an opportunity to talk about her own personal journey of self-love and how. She was a lawyer who became an executive coach. And I was like, she’s got a story to tell.

And not only does she have a story to tell, but she can also help create insight to you. The women who belong in my community. So let me give you Danielle’s formal bio. So Danielle runs time for you, LLC, which provides executive coaching and consulting to people in organizations who are working to make the world a better place.

Danielle’s a trained lawyer who spent 25 years in the nonprofit sector, working for state and province, wide organizations and national international organizations, holding many roles, including organizer. Researcher fundraiser, lawyer and executive director Daniel launch time for you LLC. In 2016 as a side hustle, while working at the national resource defense council, she left our excuse me and RDC in 2018.

After eight years of campaigning and policy work to become a full-time coach and consultant supporting mission-driven organizations and staff. Danielle is certified Martha Beck life coach, Gala trained strengths coach, and a certified DISC practitioner. Ladies, let me introduce to you, Danielle. 

Danielle! I’m so excited that you’re here. Welcome. Welcome. Let me introduce you. This is Danielle and she is, she has become a good friend of mine, Danielle and I had the honor of, we met each other through our own mastermind group and we became fast friends. And so it’s my privilege and honor to introduce Danielle to you.

So welcome. Welcome to the show, Daniel. I am so happy to be her cat. Yay. I’m so happy that you’re here too. We, uh, I self love is a passion of Danielle’s. And to me, she was the perfect fit for the very first interview, for the Cat Cancel Show. So I’m just so excited that she’s here. So, Danielle, we’re just going to go ahead and jump right in.

So quick question. So I ask my clients this, and I’ll ask, uh, ask you as a guest. Tell me one fun fact about you. Well, I was just thinking that, one quick fact about me is that I dive into things maybe sometimes a little bit too quickly. And I had a job some years ago, 10 years ago, where I was supposed to be, a protector of a river, basically.

Uh, it was an environmental protection and I was, uh, to move to the new area and. No one really knew me. And they were like, well, who are you to be the, the new local Riverkeeper? That’s what my job was. And I said, well, I’m going to paddle this river is what I’m going to do. And I find out, like, after I made this commitment that the river is like, Literally 400 miles long.

And so I followed through, it took me a month to get down the river. I was with this, this, uh, old guy who helped me get down the river and his dog. And, it was a big deal in the local community where I lived, but it got me sort of recognized, but it was really crazy because it was, Not exactly the safest thing to do.

So it’s a little bit of, it just shows a little bit about the kind of person I am, I guess. Yes. Did you say it took you a month to get down the river? Is that what you said? It took me a month to get down the river. It was really like I was on the side. I was asleep. I was camping on the side of the river.

Like I didn’t, I had no idea what I was doing. So I had this, like this, this sort of, uh, old canoer guy who helped me figure out how to navigate Rapids. And, but I was, it was more like this challenge. It was this idea of like, Hey, you know, people were like, well, who are you to like come into our community and tell us how to protect our river.

So I was like, well, I guess I’ll get to know the river. And I didn’t realize that, you know, to actually paddle it, it would take me that long, but I did it and it was like a lot of blood, sweat and tears I have to say, but I did it. And, it got me the respect that I was looking for. So I could do my job.

You probably became a local celebrity. Were you like a little local celebrity? Yeah. Yeah. So anyway, Oh my gosh. And I love that. I love the fact that it is involved, like it involved an old man and his dog. Like that’s also like a part of the story. Can I say the dog on the entire trip was frightening the entire time?

Like literally the entire, it was like, it was, I have to write a book about this. It was most unbelievable, but yet it was this man. That is a fun fact. And I would probably, how many people have actually done that though? Do you like one of them and find a single soul who has done this river? You know, I ended up in some books and I was featured in magazines and I mean, I had made this public commitment to do it, even though I had no idea what I was doing.

And so as a result, everybody was like, wow, she did that. I mean, it involved going down Rapids. It was, uh, it was. Right. And so I’ve, I’ve kind of put that same tenacity to work in other areas of my life, a little bit more, a little bit less, uh, driven by, you know, danger. But, but it’s, uh, it’s kind of, we’ll get into this, but I’ve used some of that tenacity to try to conquer some of the things that go on up here.

So yes. And that’s a good segue into, uh, Going into more about who you are. So why don’t you tell, why don’t you tell our listeners a little bit about you and what you do, Danielle. So, yeah, my name is Danielle . I launched a business called time for you, and I’m basically an executive coach and a consultant.

And I primarily serve the people and the organizations who are working to change the world. So the nonprofit sector, the service sector, sometimes it’s the government sector, but these are people who are there. They’re sort of the do gooders. And, I was a do gooder in that space for 25 years. And so those are the people that I like to serve.

Yes. And so you’re, you, you are in a space somewhat similar to me where we are trying, we are helping people love themselves too. Right. Especially when it comes to the givers and the impacts. Yeah, we’re so quick to take care of everybody else and have completely neglected ourselves. And one of the reasons why I wanted you to be one of the first interviews that I had here on the show was because of your incredible story, your backstory that led you through the journey of how did you become an executive coach and how did you come into working with.

People, that are in the nonprofit sector. So do you want to tell us a little bit more about that? Yeah, so, I was thinking about sharing just a little bit of the, sort of the journey, because a lot of people do ask, like why, you know, how do you make this big transition from working? I was, uh, you know, basically a lawyer and working in big, big nonprofit organizations, as a director, as a manager, And I’m very administrative management and making this shift to executive coaching.

And a lot of people ask me and it wasn’t sort of a, I sat down at my desk one day and sort of made this decision. It was really a very intense process that I went through where in a way I sort of hit a very low point in my life. And that for me, was around, sort of a major issue in my own family, where my father ended up in a.

Really abusive relationship basically. And it was a relationship he had been in, but then he had a traumatic brain injury and he changed. And that relationship, uh, like a lot of relationships with traumatic brain injuries sort of went into the, into the, went down and it in a major way. And as a result, he was in a really, very vulnerable situation and I was his daughter and I had a little bit of a.

Role in my family is as the hero, the one who solves all problems. And so I sort of decided to take it on myself to, to, to solve this problem that he was in a very vulnerable position with his wife at the time who was basically taking advantage of him. And in a way that was, not putting him in a very healthy or safe place.

So I spent a long time agonizing over him and I sort of hit my own rock bottom around the same time he was hitting his, because I couldn’t fix him. That was my sort of, it’s this idea of fixing and solving and having a circumstance I couldn’t solve. And that was. Uh, it was actually very traumatic for me.

I ended up engaging a therapist and I’d spent all my time with my phone, worried that he was going to, you know, be, be, uh, you know, something was going to have happened to him. And anyway, all of us to say is that I couldn’t fix that. That was, he was, he had made a decision to stay in an abusive relationship and he did.

He thankfully is out of that. But for several years, he decided to stay into it. Not because he wanted that, but because he was afraid of getting out and I couldn’t save him from that. And that was very difficult for me. So what I decided to do is to look at myself yeah. And looked at like, like what can I do about the situation?

What can I do to solve it? Like, what can I do? And it involved looking at. How I was interacting with the situation and what I was trying to do. And as a result, sort of reflected that I was trying to fill a role that I couldn’t, you know, it’s basically recognizing I can’t fix that and say, well, what can I do?

And it really involved me kind of taking a really hard look at me and saying, can I do. That’s sort of the beginning of the journey. It wasn’t, it was not like suddenly I became a head coach at that point, but it, it, it was the beginning of a process where I started to learn that I needed to really basically love myself first, first and foremost, and then by, and we can talk more about what that looked like.

But, as a result of that, I was then able to sort of create an opening that started to get me to look at me and how I was. Feeling, and how has acting, how has interacting with the world? And it took me on a journey that actually led me to where I am today and I’m glad it happened, in the sense that, I’m not clear what happened to my dad, but, it’s sometimes the hardest stuff is the things that actually teach us what we need to do.

So, I often tell my clients that there is a gift here. Somewhere in this really hard situation, there is a gift. We have to find that gift for me, the gift was not, you know, saving him. He had ended up saving himself, by the way. It was me trying to figure out who I was and what I was meant to do in this world.

Yeah. So let’s, let’s, let’s kind of, I would love, my listeners to know more about that because one of the things that I. Teach women is that we don’t have to fit into this box. And I think that we force ourselves into roles, into positions in life, where we are not being true to who we are, and we’re not loving ourselves.

And I know that you had your own journey being a lawyer and kind of having that aha moment to where you started to pay attention to yourself. And you started loving yourself. What was your life like before you had that moment before you hit that rock bottom, what was your, what was your role as, as being a lawyer and why, why did, when you had this moment of clarity and you started loving you, what was wrong with it before?

Why made the sh why did you make the shift? Well, I think that sort of, if I would go back and look at myself before I was very focused on the external world and I was focused on how people perceived me. I grew up in a family where achievement and education and titles and all that mattered. And so, you know, going to college and, you know, Like getting a good job and, you know, see me succeed.

So this idea of success checking all the boxes off, right? Check, check, check. Yep. Yep. Check box. And, and, and to be perfectly honest, it’s still, it’s still something that I work on this idea of success. Like. This constantly looking at what is success for me, because our definition of success is always changing.

But my definition before was very based on the outside world, like what my dad might’ve thought or what my mom might have thought or what my peers would think. And that sometimes, I mean, the path that I took was less about money, but for all, for many people, it’s like making a certain amount of money.

For me, it was sort of more title and influence and I would go to Washington DC. So this idea of power sort of gets sort of infused in there a little bit. And I was pretty focused on the external world. Like what do people think of me? What did, what, what, how do people perceive me? Do they look at me as successful or not?

And so everything I did sort of interacted with that and I really wasn’t. In fact, I pushed parts of me, way, way, way down, parts of me that I am now allowed, to shine more. And we’ll talk more about strengths because I’m a strengths coach and I allowed my strengths to actually shine, but I was suppressing those strengths big time in my role, because I thought those were weaknesses.

I thought that they were actually kind of not great. So. Before it was all about the external world and how other people were and how they perceive me. And wasn’t a very strong relationship with myself. It was, I thought I had one. I really, I would have told you at the time I have a great relationship with myself, but actually of course, yeah.

I think we all think we do, but you kind of almost have to, you have to get vulnerable. Like you got up, go places that are pretty uncomfortable to sort of understand like who you are as a person. And then just sort of grapple with like, what, why am I doing that? Like, why am I spending time on this thing?

Or why am I investing in that relationship? And it took me, like, I just had this really heavy thing with my father to sort of kind of open everything up and, and you’re got an investigation. Yeah. And I think that unfortunately, that’s usually what happens to women. I know that that’s what happened to me, where you do hit some kind of rock bottom in your life where you’re like, it makes you reassess and sit down with yourself and go, okay, what am I doing here?

This is this, my destiny is this, my legacy is this, you know, the footprint that I want to leave. And I think you could argue that you were doing good work. Like your career, like you were making an impact, you’re doing good work. So I know that, you know, you’ve, you’ve told me before in the past about how people still kind of didn’t understand that you made this transition from being a lawyer to being a coach and how some people still scratch their heads.

Like, why would you do that? And why, you know, what made you make that decision? And. I think that if we, I heard a quote that it’s find what you love and try to make a living from it. Right? So find your passion and what you, and what you love to do and try to make a living from it. And I think that, that, I think that that holds true, that if you’re really paying attention to you and loving you and knowing those strengths, and we’ll get into those in a minute.

You can, you can make a living doing it, don’t you think? Yes, absolutely. And the pathway to making a good living and loving your job and feeling fulfilled. You know, I’m sort of an evangelist on this idea of strengths, which is related to passion. That’s not always the same thing. We can feel passionate about our family.

We can feel passionate about. Helping, you know, solve, you know, some of the hunger issues we can feel passionate about, you know, uh, hobbies, right. But when it comes to strengths, it’s really sort of understanding ourselves and saying, what am I good at in this world? And that is not an easy question.

I have been even this past month, I’ve been on the phone with a lot of people who were looking to coach and they’re like, I kind of know my strengths and I, uh, I’ll say to them, A lot of people will tell me that. But when you go through the real process of understanding your strengths, you may be surprised.

And here’s why, because it’s so natural to you that you don’t even notice it. Right. So take that time to understand, yeah. What am I unique at? What am I strong at? What, what makes me shine to others? You might think, well, that’s just what everybody does. Right? And in fact, That’s not what everybody does. You have these innate strikes.

I’ll use myself as an example. I am, I think like you very, a feeler and I’ve always been that very sensitive person. And I had for a very long time pushed that away because being sensitive, being a woman who can cry at like commercials, it is viewed as very weak. And, and, I kept finding myself in cultures.

That was, you know, very sort of masculine, even if there were a lot of women, it didn’t matter because the culture was masculine. So I started to, I mean, were asking me like, what was I like before? Well, what I was like before is not myself. I was, I took on a persona that I thought I needed to be in order to succeed.

And it wasn’t until I began this journey that I started to realize that I wasn’t bringing my authentic self to work at all. Like people, people will perceive me in a way that I didn’t even want to be perceived, but I thought that’s what I had to do. So this idea of pulling my sensitive self out, who happens to be really good at reading people.

I’m, I’m good at reading rooms. I’m good at reading people. I’m good at sort of thinking about what the right path is for people. Something that I’m not, you know, I wasn’t actually showing up for, so yeah, I think that, it’s really just about showing up and being your authentic self and, and, but knowing your strengths is a key factor in knowing where, where, where you need to show up authentically, because what’s authentic to me, isn’t necessarily what’s authentic to you or anybody else.

Right. And that’s the beginning that that’s. That is ultimately self-love is, is wrapped up into that. Oh, absolutely. And I think self-love is understanding what those strengths are and what your weaknesses are. And I think. We as women aren’t allowed to sit around and talk about our strengths. We’re not LA, we’re not really allowed to talk about what we’re really good at, unless I feel it’s something that people expect of us or that there’s some kind of societal expectation of, well, you’re a woman who’s in this role.

So therefore your strengths are this right? So there are so many strengths that we have just like you said. We probably don’t even realize that their strengths are sweet to us. It’s normal. We’re like, Oh yeah, everybody has this quality. Yeah. And sorry, go ahead. No, I was going to say in, in my previous episode, I was talking about the comparison game and about how, and you and I have talked about this, how we are comparing our weaknesses to other people’s strengths, which probably most likely those people that have those strengths probably don’t even realize that it’s a strength.

Like they’re just being themselves, right? Yep. Yeah. That’s exactly right. So we are so glad you brought the compare because that’s, that’s the external, so if we think about it’s, you know, it’s the beginnings of that are just stop looking outside yourself, looking at the Facebook page and all the people who are seemingly unhappy, looking at Instagram, looking at your family, looking at friends from college who seem to have it all.

And just like, just halts that. And say, I just got to check in with me and start with some really basic questions, but you know, what’s really going on here, asking, you know, really getting to know yourself. In fact, you know, I coach leaders on a regular basis and what all the leadership, uh, experts will tell you is the best leaders are the ones that know themselves.

They just know themselves. And so if you’re going to be a leader of your life, you’re going to have to know yourself in a way that is deeper, deeper than you may already know how probably I’ve always thought it. Yeah. Let’s just let’s assist you. I’m I’m sure Kat you and I would agree we’re still on the journey.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. We’re still figuring it out so true every day. We’re trying to figure out. So, you’re on the journey too, so you’re not done. You gotta, you gotta start like, well, who am I like? Who am I? And, and, and the thing is that I just find the most interesting thing is if you’re going to go love yourself, you kind of w who am I, if I’m going to love this self of me, then.

What am I loving? Exactly. That’s like, it’s not just this, this rhetorical thing. You know, everybody says, Oh, self love. Well, you know, I know that I didn’t really love myself. So getting to know myself was sort of the first step, and I think that’s part of the mission of the show, right? Is to spread that awareness of really what is self-love because a lot of women will, I mean, self care is.

A part of self-love, right? So, you know, taking care of yourself and getting your hair done and like that kind of self-care, but it’s when it’s really sitting with yourself and being uncomfortable with yourself and understanding who you are and what you stand for. Those are uncomfortable conversations that you have with you.

And I think a lot of women. Hide themselves in the roles of life, hide themselves in those closed doors where they don’t sit down with themselves and really want to address who they are. And so they keep looking to external sources for love when they really should be looking. Within themselves first. So they keep trying new things and being like, Oh, this is the solution.

Or maybe if I have a baby, that’ll be the solution. Or maybe if I get a divorce or remarried, that’ll be the solution. And I think that if we became so much more powerful within ourselves, that our whole, the way that we view everything in our life just completely changes. It did for you. I mean, it changed her.

It literally changed your whole life. It did. And I’ll tell you that this is sort of a key thing when we’re talking about like looking at ourselves, because usually for many women, there already is a relationship with ourselves and that I’m doing quotes here. But that relationship is actually one of self-sabotage; it’s actually, one of self-talk is not great.

Right? It’s not good. And so it’s not even that you don’t have one. If you do have one, there’s a good chance that that relationship is you are treating yourself poorly. You’re not treating yourself like your best friend. You’re basically beating yourself up. I’m not beautiful enough. I am not good enough.

I am not thin enough. I am not whatever it is. Usually it’s the same kind of thing. It’s usually because I’m not good enough as a global. And so. Just waking up to that, to that inner dialogue, just being aware of it. I mean, you don’t even like knowing it’s a, it’s a rut in your brain. Like it’s been there for years.

It’s not going to suddenly turn off, but just being aware. Oh my gosh. I am judging myself. Our self judge is like the most powerful thing if we could just, yeah. Yeah. I just mentioned that literally in my last episode. Yes, it is like, it’s the worst. Like people can say mean things to us, but what’s even worse is the way there’s the way that we, the words that we use towards ourselves through ourselves.

Yeah. So that, that is even a tiny bit true for you for, for, for your listeners. Then that’s where you start, you kind of say, Oh, I got this self judge. And what I say with my own clients, is just start to notice it. Just notice. How you may be treating yourself in a situation. You had a meeting that was really frustrating.

You had an interaction with your kid or your husband or your colleague. It doesn’t matter. And you walk away from that. And you’re basically saying, well, you pretty much screwed that up. Something like that, that that’s, if you are not noticing that, then it’s kind of hard to move on with a self-love piece because you’re right.

You have a relationship that involves. Being the nasty friend to yourself, like being the bully. So it’s, uh, it’s it being the mean girl being girl, the mean girl, and we all have the mean girl, because we may be experienced the main girl from other people because of a family relationship, or we just sort of cultivated it and took it from, you know, what society dishes out.

But if we are not even noticing. That inner voice, then it’s pretty hard to sort of subtly lean into strengths and say, what am I good at now? I will say that it is such a great exercise to start asking people. And I’ll, uh, we can walk through this a little bit more in detail, but why don’t you, yeah, go ahead and tell her, tell the listeners what?

Yeah. So what are the next steps? Go ahead. Yeah. So, we’ve got this sort of inner dialogue. We want to notice it, but then there’s nothing that stops us from saying, well, what am I good at? Like, if I want to have a new relationship with myself, what, what can I do to learn about my strengths? And, it’s because they’re so natural to us.

We may not even know them or we’ve even like I did say, Oh, it’s a real weakness. Me being really sensitive. That’s probably a weakness. So what you want to do, I mean, there’s, here are three specific ideas that you could try. Number one is to ask people. You love to tell you where you’re strong. Don’t ask them what you’re weak at.

Find, you know, a couple of people that you know you that love you and just say, what do you think? I’m, what do you think I’m strong at? And I’ve done this exercise with my clients and every time they come back and they’re like, wow, that’s surprising. Sometimes there are things that are like, I knew that, but other times, you know, there’s always something.

So that’s number one. And that just allows you to, to learn a little bit about yourself from not, not from your own perspective. The second thing is you can take a StrengthsFinder assessment. And so there are the, a couple of assessments out there that we could maybe share with your listeners. One of them is a Gallup Clifton Strengths Finder.

There’s another one from the university of Pennsylvania called the via. Character on strengths, but the reason I, I like those is that when you get the results, you can say, okay, now what am I going to do with this information? I mean, it’s not like it’s going to tell you your strengths. It’s going to give you some breadcrumbs and it starts to get you to think, you know, why are those showing up in my strengths?

So it kind of gives you a framework. And then the third, uh, which may seem like the most obvious is just take some time to sit down and think what, what makes me tick. And where do I lose time and where do I, you know, where do I think I shine? Just ask yourself, but, but do it without, without judgment.

When you begin that process of unearthing your strengths, what happens is you start to unearth your superpowers. Everybody has them. I haven’t found a client yet that doesn’t have superpowers. And they just, if when you sort of say, you know what, these are my super powers, this is what I’m good at. Then you start to think about how to aim your life.

To put those to work and the strengths are in things like how you engage in relationships, how you take action, how you think and how you influence people. It’s not skills, not knowledge. These are things you’re born with. So there they are. They’re really super powers. And when we think about a fulfilled life, it’s about putting those strengths to work in a way that puts you.

It makes you strong. Gosh, Danielle. It’s amazing. It’s you know, I tell women that self-love is, it’s not like you’re going to jump off a couch and run a 5k. If you have not been paying attention to yourself, it’s a process. Right. And you haven’t been loving yourself and. In order to really discover what those strengths are you need or your super powers.

So you even like in order to understand what your super powers are, you really need to understand what your strengths are. And sometimes we can’t even see that ourselves. So we ask other people around us to give us that, to give us that information. That’s powerful because so many women. Don’t re you know, so many women don’t even know where to begin.

Like they just want to run that 5k. And I’m always like, no, no, no, no, you gotta, we gotta work. We gotta work. Because in order to figure out your superpowers, you do need to figure out your strengths. But if you don’t love yourself and the way that you deserve it, if you deserve to be loved, then there’s no better way to, to start somewhere than to ask somebody else.

That’s powerful. Yeah. And I’ll tell you, like for the people that come, I will have. Who appear to be very, very successful people. They may be like six figure lawyers, or they may be, you know, just like the heads of their companies. Everybody has these same questions. Like what are my superpowers? It’s, it’s sort of a universal thing, people, right?

It’s a buzzword. I’ve heard it. Yeah. I’ve heard it a lot. No, because people want to have purpose. They want to have impact. People want to feel value. These are all words I hear every day. And it’s, it’s a journey. Like we said, the only thing that I encourage someone who’s saying, I don’t, I don’t really feel like I have any, or I, I don’t think I know mine is to take that message that you’re sending yourself.

I don’t know my super powers. I don’t know if I have any and just suspend judgment and be open to the possibility that you have them. Just be open to it. You don’t have to suddenly be convinced. I have a whole bunch of superpowers. You can say I’m just going to be open to it and I’m going to do some exploration.

And meanwhile, I’m going to take that inner mean girl. And I’m going to sort of, I’m going to tamp that down a little bit and I’m going to spend some time just trying to figure out, like, just take a journey here. And my journey was at least a year in terms of just even figuring out that I wanted to leave the work I did and to become a coach, which is, I think in my superpower space, it wasn’t overnight, but it took me to discover, be curious to talk to people.

There were some, you know, missteps along the way. There were things I thought, Oh yeah, this is probably my calling and it wasn’t my calling. But along the way, I kind of had this guiding light that was like the sort of the. Bringing it back to my canoe trip till my river. I just made a decision to go to the river and I had to get down and I had found help along the way from the dog, you know, and from the, from my good friend.

But, uh, it was a journey. And finally, at the end, I did realize, I didn’t realize the beauty of that journey until after the canoe trip was over. And in this case, the same, it was hard. It wasn’t easy. I felt like I was. You know, off my path the whole way, what am I doing? Even when I launched my coaching business, I was, I was super scared.

Like what crazy? And, and, you know, it’s, it’s being, you know, it’s taken me time and tenacity, but I just held the belief that there’s something else out there for me. And I just have to figure out what it is. So that’s sort of what we get. We don’t have to. A hundred percent believe that if you can, just 1% believe that, that your path, whatever that is, is there, then that’s just enough of an opening to them pursue and discover your superpowers, which is, I think he took part of that self-love journey.

Agreed. And I think too, I think that women are afraid to feel special that they’re special. That all of us are special in our own unique way. And I’ve been using authenticity and uniqueness a lot lately. It seems like that I’m, I S I speak a lot in that space because I think that women are afraid.

They’re afraid to be unique. They’re afraid to be special. And I, and, you know, I think back to the main girls, like even in junior high, where, you know, Young women would come up to you and go, Oh, you think you’re special? It’d be like, well, maybe I thought I was special, but I guess I’m not special. And I think we’ve had that pressure on us that our super powers means that we’re special, like to discover our super or discover our strengths.

That means that we’re special and I can’t be special and I can’t be unique. What are your thoughts on that? Well, I’ll tell you what comes to my mind is something that I’m working on, which is bravery. I mean, I, I, I had to go through bravery in order to launch, like, make the big transition that is the transition, but my, the bravery I’m working on right now is being me fully me in all respects.

And I was, I’ve been inspired by some women writers recently, Brene Brown is one of them, but not there’s many others, women who were coming out in the same way. You know, if we’re going to talk about claiming power here, then it’s not going to be just about being nice all the time. It’s not going to be about pleasing.

It’s not going to be sort of, it’s going to be sort of coming out and saying what we really think. And not always everyone feeling, making, making everybody feel comfortable. And I do have a tendency to sort of get into that space of making other people feel comfortable. So, so this is a piece that I would say wasn’t immediate for me, you know, coming out and saying, what does it look like to be brave?

Like, and I’m talking about break, like, yeah, sure. It was brave for me to go down that river, but I’m talking about showing up and being me. Like really being mean and saying, this is what I want. This is what I need. This is what I deserve. This is what I own. And, and, you know, sharing like where I think things should have, like what I think.

And, and those, there may be people, people who are listening, who are like me, you know, there are peacemakers, people who are heroes, people who are helpers, people who are the ones that keep their family together. The people who like. You know, everything is about their kids. And it’s like, it’s not about me.

It’s about, you know, so what happens is women often are in a situation where we don’t feel like we can be ourselves. We can’t just come out and say, well, we want or need, because we have, uh, some role that we’re playing. Now. It’s not to say that I don’t want to abandon my role as helper. I don’t want to abandon my role as someone who likes to bring people together and think about connecting communities.

But there are times when. This idea of bravery, sort of like, what does it mean for me to really come out and just own it? And I think we see that with older women, women. Yeah. Like, Oh, absolutely. I don’t care. I don’t care what I’m wearing. I don’t care what you think. I’m just going to tell you exactly what I’m thinking and I’m thinking, why do we have to wait until we’re like 75 years old in order to like, say what’s on our mind?

Just like it’s sort of this ownership piece. So that’s, I think when you have. But I think there’s a bit of self-love that’s been cultivated there because you’re not afraid of what other people think. You’re not afraid of what people are feeling. You’re not, you just, you know, you’re pretty comfortable with yourself and you kind of know you have something to contribute.

But I, I truly believe that everybody has that inner voice and that inner voice is trying to come out. It comes out when we’re arguing, like. Sometimes we have to be, we get pushed to our limits and then suddenly we burst, that’s our, that’s our inner leg saying now finally I can come out and say what I really feel, but that’s kind of unmanaged.

The unmanaged voice. So what we want to do is sort of tap into that. What is that inner voice wanting to say, why don’t you and you know, and sometimes you just can start with journaling on it. But then in time, what I did at work was I experimented with showing up at work differently. Instead of kind of my, my mask of strong, serious medical approach.

Yeah. I started to show up with a little bit less, a little bit more listening, more feeling my empathy, to sort of see what it felt like. And it was, it wasn’t like this, beautiful rollout because there were days I think people were like, what is she doing? But, I was just trying to experiment with my authentic, my authentic self.

Right showing up work and, and it worked, it worked, it was, it sort of was a transformation over time. And so, you know, you just kind of want to listen to the inner voice. And sometimes experiment was saying something differently than, or interacting with a situation differently because I don’t think there’s like, there’s no rule book here.

It’s like, here’s your whole book now. Here’s how you interact with the world. It really is. It is experimenting. And that does take a little bit of bravery because it may not fit. It may fit. We don’t know. Right. Bravery, not caring. What do other people think? I think that it does get easier. The older we get, because we’ve had more life thrown at us.

When I think about my daughter who’s 19 and. With the work that I do with college women. Yes. It’s even more so where they are really caught up. And everyone says that, you know, I think the older generations always think that the younger generations are so selfish. I’ve never seen such a selfless generation.

Like, I feel like they’re trying to do nothing, but please other people, or they’re afraid to rock the boat. They, and I think that they need to have this message. Deliver to them and have this awareness delivered to them earlier, earlier on, because if we never, I don’t feel that my generation, that our generation had that messaging, we had those checkboxes, right.

Where like, it doesn’t matter. You are to do these check boxes and this is, this is the guide to a successful life. Right, right. Does it matter who you are? Cause I remember. My listeners, who’ve been a part of my life for a while, know this story, but for me, all I wanted to do was to be a high school dance teacher.

And my mom literally looked at me and said, you are not going to dance for the rest of your life. You can not make a living as a dancer. You need to pick something else. And that’s like the most devastating thing to say to somebody where, you know, wanting it’s because it, that type of thing, didn’t check the box.

And I think that. Us older women. We’ve had so much life thrown at us that it’s okay for us to have bravery, but it would be wonderful to really help the younger women to, to implement that into their lives. To tell them it’s so much better on the other side, being herself and not really caring.

What other people think don’t you think Danielle. Yeah, and this, I think it’s really worth bringing up the generational divides that we’re seeing in the workplace. We’re seeing millennials, you know, rub rub up against the grain of gen X and baby boomers and gen Y sort of this idea of like, You know, we’ll, you know, what about us?

You know, we have a, will we have some values, not feeling that value and there are, there’s totally, really different generational interactions in the workplace, and those are showing up often as conflict and they’re showing up and then it’s sort of, it’s actually, uh, destroying everybody’s confidence. I’ve certainly coached people who are older.

They don’t feel like they know how to manage younger people, because they don’t know how to manage themselves, but they don’t know how to manage a younger generation. And so they feel completely inept. And then I’ve certainly coached younger people who are like, I don’t feel like anybody understands me.

So there’s this lack of communication. In the workplace, that’s obviously a different issue, but connected to it is really understanding yourself if you, the more that you understand yourself instead of. What you, you know, what’s going on up here, you know, what, what are those thoughts that I’m bringing them?

What are the, what are the superpowers I bring that the key to success is just communicating. Like we don’t communicate near enough. It’s amazing. And this society, we have like Facebook and messaging and texting and we have all these things and there seems to be a more mass amount of communication.

But then when I, as a coach, listen, I’m not hearing any communication. There’s really not meaningful communication. And so, you know, if somebody is sort of saying, well, I’m really going through this process, I’m starting to figure out my strengths. It’s really important to communicate those, to share them with others.

And is everybody going to like wake up and say, Oh, that’s great. Thank you so, so much for sharing your strength. That’s not going to happen every time, but the more you communicate those, the more that you share them, the more that you sort of lean into those. People will notice, but if you don’t, you kind of know them up here, but you hope other people notice.

I guarantee they won’t notice because people are so concerned about themselves and they’re so focused on their own issues that we, we, we hope and we pray. People are noticing our strengths. They aren’t even our parents. Right. So we do have an obligation. I feel everybody has an obligation to sort of figure out how they tick.

Figure out what they’re strong at, not what they’re weak at. You know, we spent all this time on weaknesses. You know, the research has shown us that spending time on weaknesses, guess what? You’re not going to grow very much. You want to, you want to manage weaknesses, but your growth trajectory is through your strengths.

So if we communicate those and share them with others, people will start to get to know us in a way that we want them to. And that’s sort of the first step. Now, obviously the big, the very, very first step is getting to know yourself. Once you are on that path of knowing your strengths, communicate them.

Don’t forget because I promise you people will not just know them. Right? Hmm. What a powerful message. And it’s interesting that you bring up communication because we’re, it’s, we’re so busy filling our lives with busy-ness that we’re not even one of the things that I teach my clients. To meditate every day, just five minutes.

Like I’m not asking for a 30 minute long yoga session. That’s not just literally just taking five minutes out of your day and sitting with yourself and do you know how difficult it is for women to do that? They’re like, I don’t have the time or I can’t do that. Yeah, we are. So we’re not even communicating with ourselves.

We think we are, but we’re not. And I think, yeah. And I think if we were more tuned to that too, of communicating to ourselves, our strengths right along with other people too. Yeah. It’s powerful. I like it. Well, first of all, in meditation, like I was a non-Medicare meditator for years and it was medication that probably more than any other thing, saved my life.

And it was, at that time, it was the thing. And because my brain was constantly like this. Angry, anxious. It was a very anxious brain and it could not stop thinking about my dad and his situation, but also everything else. I couldn’t go on vacation without being anxious. I couldn’t, I couldn’t rebel in the fact that I had just become a mom and it was disappointing.

I was like, Hey, I’m not in my life right now because I’m just so obsessed with everything else. So it was meditation that saved my life. And I started with like, literally the five minute, you know, And now I might do 15, you know, maybe 20. I’m not like there are people who are the big meditators and they can go to a silent retreat for days on end.

But you know, you don’t that the science is there. You only need five minutes to actually transform, but yeah, you have to start somewhere and you can start with one minute and then you can move up. But, I wanted to endorse meditation because it is such a key thing to create a new relationship with yourself.

And then once you do. Yeah. Sometimes you have to actually take the time to sort of almost convince yourself. And maybe that’s not a nice way of saying it, but sort of to, to say I am. So I’m, I’m a very big, practitioner of affirmations, intentions, sort of this idea of like actually saying words that I want my North star, I’m not a goal setter.

I have a whole thing about don’t setting goals, but, it’s uh, so an affirmation is I am strong. I’m authentic. I am. I love myself. And some of the things you might affirm, you may not even a hundred percent believe it might be. I am a successful business that are IMF successful. I’m successful in my job or I’m a great parent, you know, and these are things you’re like, well, you know, call him John.

I don’t know if I’m fully that that’s okay. It doesn’t really matter. What matters is that you have, you have identified your North star. You’ve set that North star. And then you say it, like you find words that say, I am, I have, and you say to yourself, and that is, again, I know I keep referring to science if that’s my main, that’s my, sort of a little bit of my  coming out, but it’s not woo woo.

There’s power behind taking the time to affirm to ourselves where we want to be. Where we want to end up, not, I don’t want to be stressed that doesn’t get you anywhere. In fact, guess what? That brings you more stress. It’s I am calm. I am calm. I am. And it’s hard because right now, with, during the pandemic, you know, people are like, I’m not calm and I’m not feeling these things.

And yet I say, you know, the, the pathway is to stay where you want to be, not where you don’t want to be. Because your brain will not take you there. Your brain will take you to the place you want to be by stating that outcome. And it’s very powerful. It’s the, it’s the way I guide myself. And it’s the way I love myself because every, all the information statements are about me and my relationship to myself.

So that’s another thing that people can do and it can start with, I love myself and there may be a part of you. That’s like, I don’t believe that, but that’s okay. Because just by saying those words, it can be, it can actually bring a lot of the subconscious of your brain forward and it can start to create the process you want for yourself.

Hmm. I totally agree with you. I, uh, I teach my clients that the, like the number one affirmation is I am deserving of my own love and that’s like, to me, that’s like the affirmation that changed my life. Where I realized that I was deserving of it, that instead of giving it to everybody else that I can give it, but then I can also give it to myself, give it to others and give it to myself.

So Danielle, for, my last question is for, for the women that are listening, who don’t know their strengths, That don’t know where to begin as far as figuring out that super power. What do you think? Do you think that the very first thing that they need to do is just to, who do you suggest that they ask as far as to give them feedback about their strengths?

Cause you said that that was probably the first step that they should take is to ask somebody or what do you think. Yeah, it’s a tough one to start asking other people. So I’m going to acknowledge right off the top that if this feels hard, it’s because asking someone else about you, it’s like very uncomfortable.

So, you know, let me just say the three things that you would do to start to think about what are my superpowers here? Yes. Number one would be, if you can find people, you know, That you, that love you and that you trust, and it can be one or two people, but your question to them is, can you tell me what you see in terms of my strengths?

I’m just interested in hearing your reflections and often, like I was, I haven’t had a client yet that has come back and said, this is the terrible exercise, right? It’s a little bit vulnerable, but it’s a really powerful exercise. And that just sort of opens your eyes to things that you may not be seeing.

So it’s first, but it’s also, I acknowledge it’s a little bit tricky. The second would be, you know, to go and find those strengthsfinder assessments online and just take one of the assessments, the Clifton StrengthFinders. And when I administer and then there’s another one via character on strengths.

Those are, you know, there’s a small price to pay, but. It gives you the data so that you can kind of say, okay, all right, this is one of my, my results say, is that, how is that showing up in my life? Like where have I done that? And it might be a previous job, or it might be, you know, at some point through a volunteer effort, but you, you have to connect the dots.

Like where are those showing up? But it’s great, it just gives you the breadcrumbs you need. And then the third is just sitting down and this is the easiest. So you might start here to really think about what makes you tick. And to take, like, take away all of the judgment or, you know, the framework of what you think you should do.

It may not even have anything to do with your job or what you’re studying right now. And just say, yeah, when, when I’m at my best, what am I doing? And it could be your counseling, a friend. It could be, I am, you know, I’m really good at putting these, Dinners together for family members. You know, you have to look, you have to really uncover those moments and it may not show up in this big way.

It might be. Yeah, I’m really good at that thing. I’m going to write it down and it just starts to get you to think, you know what? I actually have these abilities empty. Some people change their trajectory of their careers based on, you know, what, I actually am not putting my strengths to work. I’m good at what I do, but there’s a big difference between what you’re good at and what you’re strong at.

So you have to kind of pull those out. And the key thing is that when, you know, you’re putting strength to work, as you feel energy, you don’t feel drained, you don’t feel obligation, you feel energy. And so you can actually pick up on all of that just by paying attention to your life. Am I feeling energized or am I feeling drained?

And for me it was a little difficult because I’m good at a lot of things where I’m helping my family and being the hero. But I was draining. So, you really have to be careful about finding things you’re good at. You really want to find things you’re strong at and that energize you. And those, those are the best ways to start the process.

I challenged your listeners to take one of those steps and move forward on, this, this incredible self-love strategy. Oh, Danielle, I love it. I, uh, to me, I think it’s important to pay attention. I think the feeling like how you feel too, when there’s moments throughout your day or throughout your week, those moments that bring you joy to note what those are, because that’s paying attention, right?

That’s paying attention to yourself that you’re truly happy in these, in these particular moments. And. We’re so focused on the negative. And when is the other shoe going to drop that? We don’t take the time to be in the moment when we’re creating joy for ourselves. And I just thought what you said just a quick, say, like just paying attention to our life a little bit.

It’s like the easiest thing you can do, but just sort of be waking up and paying attention to your life. So that’s a great, a great wrap up on, on that whole piece. So thanks. Oh, no, thank you, Danielle. Uh, before we say goodbye, is there any, how, if our listeners want to get in touch with you, how do they get in touch with you?

Well, they can go to time for you blog.com. That’s my website. And I’ve got some stuff on productivity there because I really started off as a productivity person. And, yeah. And, and especially if you’re a mission driven woman, you’re like thinking about, you know, Creating making the world a better place.

I’m definitely the kind of person you want to be. I’ve got great blogs. I’ve got free resources. So time is time for you. blog.com. Wonderful. Oh gosh. You’re so welcome, Danielle. And I have one more question. What is your most favorite act of self-love that you do for you? Mm, what a great question. Well, It’s not exciting, but every morning I get a little morning routine and it’s my sort of, it’s 45 minutes to an hour.

And there is my meditation, but it’s that it’s, uh, I just get to do whatever I want. And it’s, uh, the things that bring me joy is reading and, you know, writing affirmations and just, that brings me energy so that when I start my day, I’m feeling energized. So. The morning routine doesn’t happen every morning, but when I give it to myself, my day is like so much better.

So I highly recommend the morning routine. I second that well, thank you, Danielle, for being a part of the show and for being my very first interviewee. Thank you so much for being here. I’ve loved this time with you and I’ll, I’ll see you I’ll see you soon. Okay. All right. Okay. Bye. Ladies, wasn’t she amazing a human huge, huge, thank you.

Goes out to Daniel, Android. Thank you so much for being a part and being my very first interview here on the Keck Hansel show. And ladies, I hope you were able to walk away with some really good information, not only the importance of loving yourself, but how to discover yourself in a way that. You’re able to sit down and think to yourself, what are my strengths?

What do I have to offer? What are my goals next steps to figure out what those strengths are and then what are my super powers? So again, Danielle, thank you so much for such amazing valuable information. And all of the links that Daniel had mentioned during the broadcast are in the show notes. So please make sure and check those out and thank you again so much for tuning in and I’ll see you next time.

Bye. Thank you again for tuning in to this episode of the Cat Cantrill Show, and as always, please make sure and subscribe, like, and share this episode with those women in your life who could really benefit from what we teach. And what were your thoughts on today’s episode? I would love to no, in your comments down below and just so you know, I will answer every single one of your comments.

If you’re not following us over on Instagram and Facebook. What are you waiting for? Head on over there and follow us at the Cat Cantrill Show. And if there’s something about me and then you’re like, I really want to work with Cat, or I want to know more about her services. Yeah. Just come and visit me over on my website at  dot com.

And remember that you are beautiful, that you are deserving of your own love and worthy of your own time and investment. And I’ll see you all next time. Bye.

About the Author Cat Cantrill


Cat Cantrill left her corporate job in 2014 to start a women's movement. Cat founded the Single Women's Society as a place for high-achieving women to find love faster, among peers. FUN FACT? Cat hosts international women's retreats! She takes women to places like Paris, London, St. Thomas, Turks & Caicos and Dublin.

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