How To Stop Comparing Yourself To Others

The Comparison Game limits our beliefs about ourselves.  It’s one of the reasons why we’re not progressing in our lives.  It paralyzes us to the point where we are afraid to take risks.  It forces us not to see our true strengths and capabilities.  It creates a filter on our lives where we feel we have to be a certain type of person to achieve these goals.  It prevents us from becoming the person you have always wanted to be.

In today’s episode, I give you a 3 step process on how to stop comparing yourself to others.  Where does it come from, how do we do it and how do we overcome it.  

How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

Transcription:

Hello, and welcome, ladies, I am super excited to have you here. Welcome to the Cat Cantrill Show. I am your host, Cat Cantrill. And thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking time out of your day and spending it with me. 

And I’m giving you a gigantic digital hug from me to you as a huge hug of appreciation. So thank you from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for believing enough in yourself for knowing that you are deserving of more and for tuning in to today’s episode.

Ladies, the topic of today’s episode affects all women, doesn’t matter your age, it doesn’t matter what you do for a living. It doesn’t matter if you’re in a relationship out of relationship. This is this topic that we’re going to talk about today. The reason why I’m having it as one of my first episodes is because I feel that this is something that we don’t talk about enough. 

And if we do talk about it, it’s one of those said and done, like, here’s the solution, and you are to overcome it. But I thought that I would really take the time and pick it apart and help you understand why it’s there. How we do this, and how can we overcome it? 

So let me ask you a question. 

Have you ever in your life thought that you were not successful? Or have thought that you weren’t pretty enough? Or thought that you weren’t smart enough? Or whatever enough? Just enter whatever that is right there. Due to the comparison game? Do you find yourself comparing yourself to other women? And if you’re like most women, you’re like, you’re actually like nodding your head. As you’re listening to this. You’re like, yes, cat. Absolutely. I do compare myself to other women. And why do I do that? What’s the importance of it? It is a slippery slope, right? When we start that mindset, of not thinking that we’re successful, or thinking that we’re awesome and amazing, and that these people in our lives, oh, they have it down pat. 

They’re the definition of success. They’re the definition of happiness. It is paralyzing. This is why I want to talk about this topic, because most likely because of the comparison game, is the reason why possibly you’re not progressing in your life, that you’re not taking the risks that you need to take that you are not seeing your true strengths, that you’re not seeing your capabilities, because you are thinking that you have to be this particular type of person in order to achieve these goals. And I’m here to tell you, my sister, that is not true. 

So we are going to talk about how to stop comparing yourself to others, and we’re going to talk about it in three different steps. 

The first step is, when did it start? The second step is how we do that. What does it mean? Like the comparison game? And third, how do we overcome it, and it’s more than just unfollowing people, because that is a part of it. 

This has been around way before social media. So let’s go ahead and dive into it. 

So number one, where did the comparing yourself to others come from? How did we even start doing this in our lives? Well, in my studies of helping women and kind of picking apart the pieces, because it’s really easy to be like, do it. But I think that as women, if we have insight of where this comes from, it can help us go back to go, Okay, this is the exact time that this started happening in my life. And they say that we start competing and comparing ourselves to one another as women as early as the age of 10. So basically puberty, why do we compare ourselves and they don’t know if it’s nature versus nurture? Because I, maybe my sisters that are listening to this, you’ve had that type of experience where maybe someone told you why don’t you be more like so and so? Or maybe you’ve had teachers compare you to other students? Maybe you’ve had coaches that have compared you to other athletes? I mean, the list goes on and on. So we know that the comparison game is something that is not only taught to us, but we do feel the sense of why do we have to compete and why do we have to compare and the reason being is because of love, we want to be loved and admired and noticed and we want to feel needed. 

So at the age of 10 we start to notice that other people and other classmates start to get more attention than we do because of certain reasons right? I listed them better athletes better students better enter whatever you would like in that blank. So immediately we start the comparison game because we are so afraid of having this ripped from us like it’s our instinct we are so afraid of being unloved. We are so afraid of feeling unneeded, unwanted. So we look at what they’re doing and we’re saying Okay, so they’re getting all the attention. So I need to do what they’re doing or I need to do it better. Oh

My worth is based on that definition of success. Therefore, these are the things that I need to do in my own life. Or I need to look at this and I need to change my life to be just like this person. Well, you know how they say that imitation is the best form of flattery, ultimate form of flattery. It’s true, it really is true. It’s not necessarily that that person wants to be you. It’s that the person sees you as a source of love and admiration. And they want that in their lives. This is when high school you know, that’s when main girls really start you could probably argue that it starts in junior high as well. But Mean Girls are Mean Girls, because they want the love and the admiration that other women are receiving. So they attack one another in hopes of being able to knock that admiration, to knock that love out of her. And for them to have it for themselves. This is where this comes from. And as we get older, it doesn’t get any easier. Right? So this happens way before social media. So now we have social media that thrives on the comparison game, we have bosses, we have co-workers, we have other parents, where we are constantly comparing our parenting, comparing our work styles, comparing being an entrepreneur, well, this type of entrepreneur does this and that must mean that successful. So then, therefore, I need to change how I conduct my business. It is a slippery slope. 

So how do we compare? What are the ways that we’re comparing ourselves? Well, we’re taking this in internally, we are questioning who we are and how we are created. And I want to just take a moment my sister and tell you that you are absolutely perfect right now. And part of my job as a coach is to teach women to be authentically themselves. And I know that being authentic is a buzzword, but you know what I mean? When I say that, right? Like when I say be authentically you don’t be like her be like you, it is you that makes you unique. You can take on other things that people are doing and make it your own. But if you imitate exactly what they’re doing, it’s not organic, it doesn’t feel good. You’re pretending you’re it’s almost like an out of body experience. It’s your job to pay attention to you. 

But how to stop comparing yourself to others, we know it’s been ongoing forever. And we don’t even know really when we’re doing it. But I want to remind you that when you are comparing yourself to other women, most likely you are comparing your weakness to other women’s strengths. Now, let me repeat that one more time, you are comparing your weakness, your weaknesses, which are a part of you to other women’s strengths. If you were to take this person that you compare yourself to and compare their weakness to your strengths, that would be a completely different conversation, wouldn’t it? We are so quick to judge ourselves, we are so quick to put ourselves down to allow that inner critic to take over our lives. So the comparison game is almost like a comfort zone, right? 

Like we’re used to that we are so good at putting ourselves down ladies that when we look to our fellow sister, of course, we’re going to compare ourselves to her, we’re gonna see everything that’s right with her and everything that’s wrong with us. Or even worse, you will do exactly what she’s doing. Because you think that defines beauty. Do you think that that defines whatever it is or success to you. And you’ll try that on and you’ll realize that that doesn’t feel good. And you’ll end up exactly in the same spot where you began my sister, it is not fair to anybody to compare your weakness to other people’s strengths. 

And most likely, if you’re listening to this, I promise you that there is a woman that is in your life who feels that way about you that there is a woman in your life who is comparing her weakness to your strength. And what would you tell her you would say that that’s why are you doing that? That’s not fair. If she’s a great painter, and you’re a great business woman, you’re gonna look at her talent and be like, well, I that’s, that’s creative, and that’s fun. And that’s to you that that’s like the deaf definition of living a life and she may be looking at you going I have no business sense. I don’t know what I’m doing with my business. This business woman, she’s living the life. Do you hear what I’m saying? Like, you can tell that we are comparing apples to oranges, not apples to apples. So the next question is how do we overcome this? What is the secret to How To Stop Comparing Yourself To Others? The secret is you loving you first. The secret is is for you to understand that you deserve your own admiration. It is up to you to create a space for you to help you understand that you have to admire you first.

When you are loving yourself and admiring yourself first, the comparison game slowly starts to dwindle, you realize your strengths and your weaknesses. You know what makes you you. And so when you look at other sisters that are succeeding, instead of comparing herself to her, you most likely will become her hype girl. Right? Like, you’ll look at her and go, Oh, my word, you are incredible. I am so proud of you. Your successes are absolutely incredible. And I want to be a part of that. I want to be a part of your success versus comparing belittling taking that internally and saying, What is wrong with me? Why can I not be like that? So what can we do about it? We know that loving ourselves first and I know that that’s hard work like that is getting into the core, right? That’s really getting inside and going, Okay, I deserve love. I deserve admiration, my own admiration, I deserve to pay attention to myself and to find out what are my passions? What are my strengths? In fact, most sisters probably don’t even know what their strengths are. 

Because ladies, you are too busy focusing on your weaknesses, right to busy doing that. So when we look to these women that you are comparing yourself to, instead of imitating them and being like, Okay, well, that’s the definition of success. So since that’s the definition of success, then this is what I have to do in my life in order to be successful in order to be admired. And so that way, I feel loved, sit down with myself and go, Okay, so these are the women that I’m comparing myself to and what qualities do they have that I am comparing myself to? What is it about them that I find that I have to sit down and compare myself to them and understand that most likely you are comparing your weakness to their strength? Right? So to sit down and go, 

Okay, why don’t what am I really doing here? Like, why am I really comparing myself to this person? What is it and if you find that this person does do something that really inspires you, then you take those bits and pieces, and you implement those into your life, don’t do exactly what she’s doing. But do it your style, do it the way that you would do it. Here’s one thing I tell my clients, I tell my clients all the time, it doesn’t matter what your profession is, what makes the profession that you do so unique, is not your certifications is not all of the knowledge that you have. It’s you, it’s like you as a core person, as the woman that you were created to be. That is what makes your job unique. 

And part of that is understanding what are your passions? Like what are your strengths? What can you do to help yourself really like, take these strengths that you have, and just throw them all over the place and be like, this is what I want to do with my life. This, these are my passions, this is what I’m really good at, and this is what I’m going to do. And then you seize that opportunity and you are in your own power. So do you unfollow people that don’t inspire you or motivate you? Absolutely. This isn’t just for social media. This is also for real life. If you have like real life, people in your life that irritate you, that you find that yourself and that you’re in that comparison game that they don’t really motivate you or inspire you. You are not obligated to have these people in your life. And that’s a different conversation, isn’t it ladies that’s talking about boundaries, which we’re not going to talk about. In today’s episode. 

However, I do want to encourage you to unfollow and remember how I told you that the base of this is self love. And self love is understanding what you are going to absorb into your life. So social media is a way we absorb information being around other people the way that we absorb information. And that is your responsibility. That is you paying attention to you and loving you and understanding that you’re in charge, you could say that your whole life is a scroll, the people that come into your life are a scroll, social media is a scroll, you are in charge of your scroll. 

But the problem is, is that if you’re stuck in how to stop comparing yourself to others, you’re constantly in that scroll and stopping and comparing and stopping and comparing versus living versus taking that power back versus understanding your own strengths and your own abilities and what your passions are. Because the more you pay attention to that the more the scrolling will just completely stop all together and it won’t even matter anymore. It’s your job to stop comparing, start loving you, start the road of listening to you and take the inspiration and motivation from other people. How can you implement that into your own life? start paying attention to yourself, start loving yourself and stop comparing but it’s a process baby steps and I think if you’re listening to this, my sisters and you don’t even know where to begin. The first thing you need to start with is understanding why do you do it? What is it in their lives that you feel that you’re lacking in yours? That’s the first step.

The second step is once you understand what you’re lacking, why are you not providing that to yourself, because as I say, all the time, your life is yours, it’s up to you to live it. Nobody gives you your life and says, Here’s your lovely life. Go on now live it and you go Thank you know, you create it, you have to create your own life. So what is it about these people that you want? And what is it about their lives that you find is the definition of success, that is not something that you already don’t possess, because most likely, it is something that you possess, but you are just getting in your own way who, ladies, you could tell that this is a topic that I’m like, extremely passionate about. Alright, so let’s just take a deep breath.

So now we know that the comparing game, the comparison game has been around for as long as we’ve pretty much been alive, right? We know that this is something that is everywhere. We know that this is something that’s within our own control. We also know that the ultimate solution to stop comparing yourself is to start loving yourself, become your own source of admiration and love. 

Once you become your own source of admiration and love, then you will know how to stop comparing yourself to others. Maybe not completely, that’s probably not true. Because I know that for me, every time I take the next step in my life, I know that the comparison game starts because then I start to have imposter syndrome, which we’re going to talk about in another episode. But truly the core to really stop comparing yourself or to start that process is to understand that you are deserving of your own love and your own admiration. 

And that’s it, you got this, I know that this is something that can be really difficult, especially with my sisters that have never taken the time to really sit down with themselves and understand why they’re doing what they’re doing. But I hope that with today’s episode, it kind of jolted you a little bit and created some insight on why we compare ourselves to one another. Where does it come from? And to give yourself permission to love and admire and need yourself. It’s not going anywhere. Your love for you is there waiting. She’s waiting. She’s waiting for the green light, except she keeps hearing all these other voices about you comparing yourself to other people. She wants you to stop. I promise you she wants you to stop but it takes baby steps. Right.

All right. My love’s thank you so much for tuning in to this episode. I am so grateful and honored again to have you all here. And thank you. Thank you for being a part of this new journey of mine and for helping me spread the message of self love. I will see you all again next time. See you Bye.

Thanks for learning how to stop comparing yourself to others!

-Cat Cantrill, The Self Love Matchmaker

Listen to Episode Three! Click here!

About the Author Cat Cantrill


Cat Cantrill left her corporate job in 2014 to start a women's movement. Cat founded the Single Women's Society as a place for high-achieving women to find love faster, among peers. FUN FACT? Cat hosts international women's retreats! She takes women to places like Paris, London, St. Thomas, Turks & Caicos and Dublin.

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