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This the transcription from our Podcast on the topic

Welcome to the lounge of the Single Women’s Society. I am honored that you have decided to lend me your ears and allow me into your heart for today’s 20-minute discussion.

That’s how I like to view these episodes… I want you to imagine every time you listened to one of these that we are sitting down right next to each other or sitting across the table from one another and having an honest conversation between the two of us.

I know that you can be anywhere else. Maybe you’re multitasking. Perhaps you’re going for a walk, or maybe you’re cooking dinner.

I love the fact that I get to have these moments with you, that you have decided to spend time with me. And I just want you to, every time we have these conversations, I don’t want you to think that I’m talking at you.

I want you to think that we’re honestly having a discussion. As we talk about some great, unique topics that we want to talk about.

Sometimes we talk about things maybe we don’t want to hear, but that we should. And today’s topic is no exception. It’s actually a topic that you don’t hear enough about.

There are probably reasons why, and I’ll go into those. But before I go into all of that, hi, did I even introduce myself? I don’t even know. So I’m the founder and creator of the Single Women Society. My name is Cat, and I am your love mentor. My goal here at the Single Women’s Society is to help you attract and find love.

And more and more women are eager and ready for it in these crazy days. Aren’t they crazy? Oh, it’s almost exhausting. I feel that. And I’m sure that you can sympathize with us being an empath. I don’t. Do you listen to the news? I don’t, because on occasion, like if I’m in the right headspace and I’m ready to take that on, I will, I’ll, I’ll sit down and I’ll listen to the news and find out what’s going on, but just, I have to be ready for it because I, I there’s, there’s a lot, that’s still going on with everything.

And I do believe that. More and more women are just ready. You’re ready; you’re prepared to find love. And I feel that this show is that perfect op that perfect tool that you can have in your toolbox to use when you need to, to come back and listen to these episodes when you are faced with these types of decisions in your life, or if you’re going through something and I want to thank all of you.

We’ve actually. We’ve got many new listeners lately, so thank you, ladies, for subscribing and for reaching out to me, and you’re sharing these episodes. So sometimes these topics might not relate to you, but I’m sure. If you’re a single woman, you have other single women in your life who are possibly going through what we talk about on the show.

So, all right. With all of that aside, I do have one offering for you. I do have one at the end of the episode if you make it that far. Okay. Um, which hopefully you do because today’s topic needs to be discussed. So I do have an offering at the end of the episode. So please hang on. But before I dive into today’s topic, if you listen to these episodes and you have something that’s going on in your life, if you want to have an opportunity to be coached by me for free, I would love to have you here with me in the lounge of the single women society.

Virtually, of course, to be coached by me for free on-air here at the show. So if you’re listening to this and you’ve always wanted to have that opportunity to have someone else’s heart and mind on what is going on in your love life, I would be honored to be your coach. So all you have to do is contact me at [email protected] and just say, Hey, I’m interested.

I want to be coached on air, and I will send you the application. Because here’s the thing. We don’t talk about this enough with each other. And when you have a dilemma that’s going on, a love dilemma you’re facing, most likely there is someone else. So there is another woman who is listening to this who is going through the same thing.

So it’s not only that I get the opportunity to help you, but you, my love, have an opportunity to help other women by coming. And presenting your love dilemma. So please make sure to go to email me [email protected], and I’ll send you an application, and you can be coached by me and aired here on the Single Women’s Society show.

So, okay. So today’s topic. We are going to discuss what should happen on a second date. When you go to Google search second date, there is so much search for cause as a business owner. This is what I do. I searched for what women are searching for. I want to know what you want to know. I want to know and provide you with the information that you’re curious about.

So many women search for answers to what should happen on a second date. So I’m going to devote all my time and attention to the second date for this episode. But I want to mention that there probably isn’t much information about a second date because there are probably not many second dates.

Do you know what I’m saying? There’s probably not a lot of second dates that are happening. So people figure, oh, well, I probably shouldn’t. So there’s no use in providing that much information for it. So to have a successful second date, you have to have a successful first date. But I feel with this culture and with the swipe, right.

And swipe left mentality, we can even sometimes get to that first date. But sometimes you have a, you do have a successful first date, especially if you’ve been a client of mine, you’ll have that successful first date. And you’ll be like, okay, now what happens? What should happen? What should, what are the rules to a second date?

And so I’m going to give you my Cat’s explanation. Ooh. I just made something up. I just made something up a “Cat SPLA nation.” I should probably trademark that. Right. Uh, if you’re watching on YouTube, I am wearing my leopard print dress for all of you today. Okay. Sorry. Distraction. Okay. Here’s my Cat’s pollination on what should happen on a second date.

First states are always, should be many, many, and they shouldn’t be called dates. They should be called meetups or get-togethers or something like that because it’s not really a date. Your first encounter or date, or meetup is usual. I always suggest women go on their lunch hour. Or just a short meetup, quickly after work, 20 to 30 minutes, tops. This allows you to sit across the table from them.

Ask them the questions that are on your checklist. And we’ll go into that later. But the first date is always concise. That’s what I recommend for my clients 20 to 30 minutes. Okay. And then you really hit it off, and it’s fantastic. And you’re like, wow. Okay. And you, and you arrange to have that second date.

So what should happen on the second date? While the second date is really the first one, right? So the first one is kind of a meetup, but this is your actual, honest-to-goodness first date. We’re going to spend some time together. Right. Like, you know, this isn’t going to be 20 minutes. This is usually in the evening or maybe during the day on the weekend.

So you’re making a commitment of time. That’s the first thing. So what should happen on the second date? Your time and their time should be invested. So a good chunk of time, two to three to four hours, sometimes second dates. Way longer than that, especially if the connection is there. And especially if you’re really enjoying one another’s company, right.

During the second date, you are providing an opportunity to really get to know the person; you’re letting your guard down just a little more. However, on the second date, you should have firm boundaries in place. And I’ll explain to you what those should be the bare minimum, what they should be in my Cat’s pollination of what should happen on your second date.

But your guard should be down a little bit more. You’ve already done. Great. First impressions. You know that you want to get to know each other. You want to get to know each other more, and hopefully, fingers crossed that your first dinner, that your first meetup wasn’t like an interview. I’m assuming you wouldn’t be on the second date.

You feel natural it’s happened organically. And so, this person has piqued enough of your interest that you want to spend time with them. So you are devoting your time and attention to this person for an amount of time. No matter what that is now. You’re being a little bit more vulnerable. You’re allowing the person to come in just a little bit more to come into your heart a little bit more.

However, you’re going to have boundaries. And let me explain to you what those boundaries should be. Absolutely under no circumstances should you be going to the person’s house, nor should they come over to yours, the whole Netflix and Chill. Come on now.

Everyone’s walls are up when they go on a first, second, third date. If your walls are up and you’re not really allowing this person into your heart, but you’re going to let them into your home. No, like, do you see how that math doesn’t work? It really doesn’t match. It really doesn’t fit.

And I will cover sex. I am going to cover it. I know I haven’t talked about sex before in the past. I’m going to talk about it in this episode. Maybe that’s what I. That’s how I should have started this episode. We’re going to talk about sex today because we are. Because it’s the topic that comes up for a second date. Should or should you not have sex with them?

I’m getting ahead of myself. So you want to make sure that boundaries are set in place to where this person you’re not going over to their house, and they’re not going over to your house. No matter if they want to cook you a romantic meal. It’s essential to have this boundary in place because it sets the tone for respect.

If we can’t, if we can’t see and allow this person into our hearts, then we certainly should not allow them into our homes. What are your thoughts? Do you agree with me? I’m always, I am always open for feedback by loves. So if you disagree with me, feel free to send me an email and let me know. But I do believe that Netflix and chill and all of that should not be happening at all.

If you set up a second date with this person, you are saying they are interesting. You want to know more about your date. They want to know more about you. So a second date should be spent. It shouldn’t be spent in a movie theater unless you’re both movie buffs. Right? If that’s your thing, you’re both like into independent film or something along those lines.

Right. You can go and check that out. And that that’s different because you both have an interest in film. But the second date again, if you’ve been, if you’ve been listening to these, to these episodes, you know, that I believe in dating mindfully, meaning you’re dating with intent, meaning you’re there.

Not to just take up time or just for attention, you are there because you really want to get to know this person. So why would you go to a movie so where you don’t get to know the person? So a second date should consist of doing something that you’re both interested in an activity. Or maybe it’s a brand new restaurant that opened up, and you’re both foodies. Perhaps you’re both into hiking, and you go for a hike, and then you go out for a beer afterward. So a second date should involve something that you’re both interested in and gives you an opportunity.

Be in that activity with one another. So that you can see each other differently. It’s not just sitting across the table from one another. You’re genuinely invested both in your time and with your interests.

I think that a second date needs to flow naturally. So if you find yourself on a second date where you feel that the conversation is forced or feel that you’re having to pull answers from this person, then that’s probably your answer.

If you ever have to wonder what are you going to ask this person on a second date? Then you absolutely should not even be on a second date at all. If you’re wondering, gosh, what kind of questions do I ask on a second date, then you shouldn’t go on the second date. If you’re going to vest your time and sometimes your money and energy because when we’re on dates, we’re exchanging energy.

This is why you hear all the time. I’m sure you’ve listened to other dating coaches, or love coaches say this, that. Every time you go on a date, it’s an exchange of energy. And when you hear people say, oh gosh, dating, it’s like a full-time job. Or gosh, this takes up so much of my time and energy, literally because it does.

So you’ve invested your time and your energy and sometimes money into this second date. If you’re there and you feel that it’s forced or you’re having to ask questions, and you’re the one who’s always asking questions, or if you don’t know what to ask you, you shouldn’t be there. You shouldn’t. One of the things that I work with my clients is awareness of what they want.

What is it that you’re seeking out of a partner? And if you’re just dating for attention and admiration, you will be sitting across the table from the person, having to force the conversation. And so you’re having to ask awkward questions because it’s not going anywhere.

The only time you should be offering and be willing to go on a second date with someone is if you’re genuinely interested in who they are as a person. They have your interest enough to where you’re like, okay, I need to know more about this person now.

Sex.

Should you sleep with them on a second date? I’ve already set the boundary that they shouldn’t be in your home.

I think I should probably do an entire episode about sex, but I’m just going to just scratch the surface. I can’t tell you that answer. I will tell you my perspective. And when I think you should be having sex with someone, if you are really interested in this person, and they’re really interested in you, you find an emotional connection.

What I mean by that is the feeling is mutual. They have an emotional connection to you, and you have an emotional connection to them. And sometimes, this can happen quickly. This is why there are no rules. And nor do I think that women should use sex as a weapon; you shouldn’t withhold it because you believe that you have a three-day rule or a four-day rule. After all, if someone’s in it to just have sex with you, they’re going to wait.

They’re going to wait. The key here is to have an emotional connection with one another, meaning as they’re conducting their day, they’re wondering, oh, I wonder what she’s doing. I wonder what she’s listening to, or they’re watching a television show, and they’re like, oh, I think maybe she would really like the show.

There’s like a more profound connection that’s happening. And if you feel that sex is what you want to do, then do it. But there’s no right or wrong when it comes to it. And every couple and every woman is different.

If I was coaching you and you were across the table, and you were going on a second date, I would tell you not to have it, but I know that there are different circumstances.

It’s not all black and white. I know that there’s gray.

So I hope that answers your question. Was that clear as mud? Was that clear? I don’t know.

And we’ll talk, I keep talking about sex, but I, as the episodes progress, but I, I do feel that it is a case by case basis, but if you were my client, I would tell you now, because I do believe that boundaries have to be set not, and, but not using it as a game; as a weapon. That is absolutely a no-no. I don’t believe in that either, so, okay.

There’s my little, we’ll just kind of put that in a box, and we’ll just kind of set it off to the side. So what you should do on a second date is be you be more, you. Let your guard down, do something fun. Be in the moment. Don’t be going off of your agenda and your job interview. Be in the moment. This is a prime opportunity.

You are giving them your time and attention and sometimes your money. It’s true. And you’re spending time with this individual; cherish it. Be in the moment, do something fun with one another, and do something you have a common interest in. Take this opportunity to really get to know this person. That is what you should be doing on a second date.

The other stuff follows. What do you think? Did I answer your questions? What should you be doing on a second date? I hope so. I hope this gave you a little more clarity, and if you’re listening to this and you’re like, okay, now wait a minute. You’re scratching your head. And you’re like, Hmm, I don’t even have successful first dates.

Well, I got you, girl. You’re you’ve come to the right place. X proof, your life for reef or reefer reef, virtual workshop, SingleWomensSociety.com. Up at the top, it says workshop; click to register August 27th, 6:30 PM. Central standard time. You’ve got nothing to lose other than one hour of your time. Let’s be proactive with your dating life.

Let’s pull love in and not push it away. So if you’ve been listening and you’re just like, oh, I can’t even get that great first date. Let me help you. Let me help you. So make sure and register again. It’s the end of the month, August 27th, at 6:30 PM. Central standard time. Go to single women’s society dot com up at the top says workshop. I’ll make sure and put that in the show notes. And here’s my bigger announcement that dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, you’re like Cat. You always have announcements. And I’m like, uh, no, because I love ya. I love you. I want to help you. I want to help you find love. This is like my goal.

This is like my life’s mission. This is my passion. This is what I do. Enough of that. So here’s what I have for you. I have a brand new workshop, 99, then at my love intimate face-to-face workshop where I get to see you, and you get to see me. It’s called the second date recipe. Now I know you’ve been listening, and you’re like, okay, what do I do on a first date?

But I just skimmed the surface on this episode. We know that we can do a much deeper dive on how you can set yourself up to where that second date that you have such a connection. And you are flying high because you are so happy, and you feel seen and heard and understood. Good and loved. We want that second date to turn into a third, right?

So the second date recipe is the fantastic workshop that I’ve put together just for you. This workshop. Is, let’s see if this airs it’s in a couple of weeks. It’s on August 20th. August 20th, same time, 6:30 PM. Central standard time. Except this is 90 minutes. And so you want to go to single women, society.com, and up at the top, it says second date, click on that and make sure and register for your spot.

It’s only open to eight women.

That is it.

It’s a one-shot.

If you’ve listened to the show and you’re like, I really want Cats code. But you can’t make a long-term commitment.

This is perfect for you. So if there’s any part of you, that’s like on the fence.

Do it; I’m going to put it in the show notes so that all you have to do, my love, is click it, click on it, and it’ll take you right there. All right. My love. Thank you so much for tuning in to today’s episode. And if you have been watching on YouTube, what do you think about the dress? Do you like it? I’m so glad that you have decided to spend some time with me and watch me here on YouTube.

So please make sure to like subscribe and click the bell so that every time a new episode is uploaded, you will be the first to know. And if you’re listening on iTunes or on Spotify, please make sure you are subscribed. If you’re listening to iTunes, please make sure to rate and review because this is how other women get to find our episode and, or our show, too, right?

Yeah. Are you on Facebook and Instagram? Come and follow me. I am getting incredible feedback about my reels, and I’m having so much fun. So please make sure and come and follow me at cat Cantrell, both on Facebook and Instagram. And of course, my love, please remember that true love is waiting for you.

And I will see you all next time.

About the Author Cat Cantrill


Cat Cantrill left her corporate job in 2014 to start a women's movement. Cat founded the Single Women's Society as a place for high-achieving women to find love faster, among peers. FUN FACT? Cat hosts international women's retreats! She takes women to places like Paris, London, St. Thomas, Turks & Caicos and Dublin.

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